Nose Hair Always WinsOnce upon a time, there was a young boy named Magnus who always dreamed of becoming the world's best tongue cleaner. He trained every day for 0 hours in order to beat his rival, The Fat Menace. The day of the big competition arrived, and Magnus came armed with a nose hair and his unstoppable determination. They were pitted against each other in a battle of wits, and Magnus emerged as the blobby victor! His achievement is celebrated every Tongue Cleaner Day.
The Great O' Mighty Bench WarmerOnce upon a time, there was a young boy named Johnno who always dreamed of becoming the world's best bench warmer. He trained every day for 13 hours in order to beat his rival, The Fast Menace. The day of the big competition arrived, and Johnno came armed with a football and his unstoppable determination. They were pitted against each other in a battle of wits, and Johnno emerged as the slimy victor! His achievement is celebrated every Christmas.
Swagman SpeechThe city, full of it's supposed luxuries. Well, let me tell you now, that the city has nuthin' -nuthin'- on the outback of this amazing country. The real luxuries lie there -in the outback- where the sun is warmer, the grass is fresher.
My name is Bob Dale, but they...uh...they call me Bob. I am here today, as a swagman- a mighty fine one if I don't mind sayin'. Anyways, as I was sayin', I am here today, as a swagman, to tell you of the bush outside of the city, it's wonders and significance.
I once lived in a city. I...liked it, but I was never satisfied. Then one day, as a walked down the street, I happened to be looking out into the country. As I looked, I spotted a man. He was walking alone, he had nothing. It was just him and his swag, no horse-no cart. Yet, he looked peaceful and happy. It made me wonder...how could someone, who had so very little, be so happy? I though that maybe- just maybe- life outside of the city, was better than the life inside the city. I mean, it is so op
Their Song.They say that I can sing,
Sing as beautifully as doves.
They say that when I open my delicate lips,
That the sun comes out to listen.
They say that my voice is a lullaby,
To all that are near.
As they stand to listen,
To the melody coming from my sweet lips.
They say that I transfix,
With my words and my song.
With the tune that escapes my lips.
They say I am capable,
Of singing for the King and his court,
And that they too,
Would fall silent while listening.
I say that this is my voice,
My way of communication,
My way of love,
My way of truth.
I say that this is my tune,
And I will sing it for everyone to hear.
So that they too,
Have the courage to speak.
Open their mouths and speak their mind,
Express their love.
To all those who can't, I will speak.
I will speak for them.
I will speak to them.
To all those who can't.
I will open my mouth,
Simply Me.Lying down,
It's just been night and the grass is wet with dew,
Tiny drops of water soak through my shirt,
The sun has just started to rise,
Peeking over the crops that Uncle planted in the Summer.
The smell of the wheat invades my willing nostrils.
Filling my mind with wondrous thoughts and dreams.
Closing my eyes, I am capable of anything.
I could fly,
Soaring above crowds of astonished people,
Straining their necks and looking into the sun.
I could run,
Run as fast as light travels,
I would beat it every time that we race.
So I could be anywhere at any time with you.
I could sing,
Sing so powerfully that birds and butterflies would fly to my side,
And sing along in a wonderful tune with me,
As a choir, singing to the universe.
I could dream,
Explore my thoughts.
I could dream of my love,
My wishes for others,
One girl in a world of many others.
I am individual,
I am unique,
I am sup
KalamundaI stare out the window,
Gazing longingly into the busy grey city.
Buses chuffing through the narrow streets.
Trains screeching along the metal rails,
That spiral through the city.
This is not where my heart belongs,
I long for my Kalamunda,
My home among the trees.
Where the peace lingers for hours on end.
Blissfully staring into the endless bush,
The only sound, is that of the birds in the gumtrees,
And the rustling of the leaves from the casual wind.
My only friends the wildlife,
The koalas, birds and roos.
As we chat as friends,
Long since reunited.
Swimming in the streams,
That wind their way through the seemingly endless bushland.
Diving through waterfalls,
That have managed to evolve through time.
Surrounded by my passion,
My reason to be.
For this is where my heart belongs,
This is my Kalamunda,
My home among the trees.
Where no one is listening,
Just my friends and me.
FreedomSitting on the porch,
Feeling the incredible peacefulness and calm.
Listening to the waves crashing on the crowded shore,
Kids laughter, as they forget their worries and doubts.
This amazing sensation,
That's filling your body.
It all fills your body,
Making you feel incredibly light and happy.
The sun, refreshing you,
And the cool breeze keeping you awake.
Nothing is wrong,
Nothing is sad,
Nothing is trouble,
Nothing is doubtful.
This is the place where you can be yourself,
Where you can tear away from the busy streets of the city.
Where you are free to just, be you.
Listening to the gulls screeching,
Listening to the waves crashing,
Listening to the exuberant screams of children.
You feel this extraordinary happiness,
As if you have drifted away from the earth,
And descended into heaven.
You are floating on a cloud.
Free from people,
Free from chores,
Free from work.
You are happy.
You are content with this life.